Dear Suzan,
It was 10 years from now. We were two young women; I was in the middle of my twenties and you were in the beginning of your thirties. I was feeling the pressure of many people including my mother, family members, friends, doctors and maybe many more that I should have a baby. All people had something in common and that was that I should have a baby until I was 30 or 35 the latest. I was having difficulty questioning the correctness of what was being told to me, probably because I was surrounded by a group who were all like-minded… Until you and me shared this short dialogue:
- Do you think we will be late to have a baby?
- No. Because I will not have a baby.
- Why?
– Çünkü istemiyorum.
Wow!… This was one of the most effective “I don’t want to” sentences I have ever heard in my life. I was hearing for the first time a young woman saying she did not want to have a child biologically, in a determined way, not giving way to any possibilities. You were very clear on this issue. Just as you always standing strong and being straight in life as a woman… I apologize for my narrow-minded approach and my question “Why” at that time which I now find annoying.
In short it was very valuable for me that a wish which I felt deep down inside but which I could not express was voiced by you. In the following years I also started being able to say that I prefer a life without a child and you have contributed to this. Thank you...

Dear Nur,
There are important chapters in peoples’ lives when they enter a period of change. They take steps in the path which leads to becoming a completely different person and start to proceed shaking off all that repress them, what is difficult for them and does not match with their body, soul or their existence. This is a significant switchback. It is both joyful and painful, because it is difficult and it demands courage. And I entered one such switchback in my life thanks to you. You have an important share in me becoming the person I am now. You helped me to question myself and the things that I believe and to open new doors for myself in this life, you gave me courage and in fact we can say that you held my hand. Although we are in completely different places physically noq, this past has created a link between us. Maybe we do not know about each other’s lives in the last period, we do not know how we each are and what we are going through but when we have the opportunity to meet again face to face, I am sure that we will catch up with the sincerity that created that link. Keeping the greeting from Sisyphos you brought me years before in my pocket, I am trying to overcome these difficult and hopeless times even if just a bit and be hopeful, through small pieces of joy and attributing meanings to coincidences in my way. For instance the day you sent me the invitation for this letter was in fact my birthday. I do not believe that knowing the birthday by heart is a necessary sign of friendship or caring about or being grateful about a friendship, and anyhow it has been a long time that we have not met; but this coincidence whispers things to me. Things that make me happy and feel good… Freshens our memories for which I consider you important for my life. In fact you witnessed my growth. This witnessing is not something that can be explained with kindredship which is believed to constitute the society and therefore it is much more valuable to me. It is also a unique and distinctive event. Therefore it is very special to me and it will continue to be. I believe that change, transformation always continues in life; I am still trying to change myself in certain ways and I am pleased for seeing some of my aspects being changed. I had set my mind to change since I moved away from my family. You helped me to light the fuse, you are my accomplice. The trace you left in my life -they say that one cannot forget the first love- and our accomplicity are unforgettable. I was used to calling you “(big) sister Nur”, in this letter I am calling you only by your name, “Nur” and I am signing this letter with the name I select.
Thank you for your trace in my life and your accomplicity, umut erdem

You had said “I think all people should have a place for themselves in their hearth.” I understood this sentence much later, later I understood it differently and later even once more… It was first very strange, very distant to me. There were days that passed talking, telling, listening, asking, answering. Things that I found, I could not find, understood that I cannot find. I was 24. In the course of time as I got quieter, as time became quieter, as I was able to stay in silence also, I frequently recalled this sentence. A place inside me that belonged to me, that belonged to me with its dirty and clean aspects. Dear G., it is just a figure of speech to say that “I understood”. I understand now, I think that I understand is closer. You also have other sentences which are similar, which I was not comfortable with at the moment they were told but which made me say “aaaa” at some moment. This is great. Talking to you has opened up my horizon. So glad I have you.

Dear Friend, thinking of the times we spent together and of the friendship which still continues I reached the conclusion that transformation does not necessitate separation. Your impetuous statements that ‘I should not give up’, you reminding me the occupying nature of the mainstream culture seems to help me come closer to myself. I am very happy to have met you… You have given me resilience and strength. May good luck and good fortune be with us!

Dear Hülya,
A very complicated period of my life. I am 25, divorced, unemployed, hopeless and even helpless;
in short in a horrible period of my quarter of a century of life. Everything left half finished;
education, career, marriage. I do not know what I should do. Should I go back to the university?
Should I start to work, should I acquire a skill? I know that marriage is not for me, at least I have
closed that chapter never to open it again. But what about the others?… I had my answer ready: I
was a never-do-well; I cannot accomplish anything, I mess up everything that I try. I was on the
verge of a heavy depression, entrapped in two minds on everything, saying I was a loser. My moves
benden bir halt olmaz diyip, gel gitler arasında sikismis; ağır bir depresyonun
eşiğindeydim. Hareketlerim değişmis , obsesif kompulsif davranışlar sergilemeye
had changed, I had started to act in an obsessive compulsive way. And then a Saturday came; it was
you Hülya! A student in the psychology department of Bosphorus University.
You were a friend I loved and believed in greatly.
You coming into my life would be my year zero but neither you nor me could know this on those days. My life started to chance as I started to share my problems with you. First I took the courage to look for a job and found employment. Then I decided to take the university entrance exam; eight years after finishing the high school… I had started to confront my obsessions. Of course it was not easy. But I had you Hülya. I trusted you; it seemed as betrayal to you not to do what you told to me. But my faith in you and my loyalty had worked. I started to feel confident. I was successful in the university entrance exam and I entered the literature faculty which I had set my mind on. You were successful in taking me away from the verge of a cliff without even noticing Hülya but still I have not been able to tell you my gratitude...

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